Well Played, American Eagle.

Or so I pray to God, because this has to be a joke.

Recently, the PR folks at American Eagle put out a marketing ploy that gave the internet a heart attack. Everyone has come to the realization that this is some kind of April Fool’s joke, but go ahead and make that decision for yourself.

Introducing, the Skinny Skinny Jean.



HAHAHAHA. Good one, AE. You’re fucking with us, right? Right? DEAR GOD RIGHT???


Isn’t it sad that for a split second, we all think this could actually be a real thing? AE even has some marketing video for it where people are doing normal things while “wearing” the spray on jean.

I want to know how exactly they suggest people use the bathroom, the best practices for applying it “in there”, whether it’s safe for sensitive skin (if Neutrogena came out with a line, I’d trust it), and just what their shaving directions would be. Is it like Revlon’s ColorStay lipcolor and no amount of wiping will take that shit off? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Considering the fact that there’s so much hideous bullshit in the fashion world (I dare you to check out my posts on meggings and these sandal boots made by Satan himself), this Skinny Skinny spray on ploy is sadly not that far off. People literally want the skinniest jean out there and it makes me cry tears of anger and bloodthirsty venom. Women used to draw seams on the back of their legs to make it look like they were wearing pantyhose – remember? Let’s move forward, world, not backwards.

So I don’t know if I should shake the hands of AE’s marketing execs for making a mockery of the whole “people will buy anything – ANYTHING – to be seen as cool” or if I should punch them all square in the fucking RIGHT EYE for the most godawful fashion idea since metallic meggings.

Anything that makes the mullet look good should be fed to a hungry, angry, horny great white shark.