Some Men Just Want to Watch the World Burn.

I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack.

I got married, then I got sick, and now I’m back to work just in time for a 4-day weekend.

PhUtBDa

Please excuse the crocs, I told you I’ve been ill.

With Thanksgiving in just a few days and December just around the corner, it’s obvious that we’re all going to get pretty fat. But let’s be thankful of all the glorious food that will soon make our bellies ache, because not everyone gets to give birth to a food baby this time of year.

However, this invention is cruel and unnecessary.

weight-watch-belt

This is why I wear stretchy pants on Thanksgiving. Jeans are unforgiving, and a belt would only hold me back, because I need to get two pieces of pumpkin pie down my throat, not just one.

And don’t even get me started on the tucked-in shirt.

PSHH. Rookie.

Here’s Something To Help You Get Back In Gear And Feel Smart Again.

It’s the Monday after Thanksgiving break, which means you’re probably a good 5 pounds heavier than you were last Wednesday. You’re feeling sluggish and wondering how the hell you’re going to get back into work-mode. This morning you looked at yourself in the mirror, let out a deep breath and said, “My God, it’s Monday.” But what you really meant to say was, “I think I ate my brain this weekend.”

Well, fear not my vaguely robust and bloated buttercups! This picture alone will perk up your IQ and remind you that you’re doing just fine. Even with those extra 5 pounds of mashed potatoes.

I think we all share the sentiment of the blonde to the right.

But I love the fact that it reminds me of this:

There now, don’t you feel like you could conquer the world again? The fact that a real Karen Smith truly exists in the world should make you feel equally happy and disappointed in the human brain. But it’s not your brain, so we’re good here.

Conclusion: Friends don’t let friends get ready for events by themselves. Grammatical supervision is required.

Best Use Of The Cone Of Shame.

This will be me at the dinner table tomorrow night for Thanksgiving.

PUMPKIN PIE IS MINE, BITCHES.

Dog wearing cone of shame eats with other dogs