It’s Official: Watermelon Seeds Contain No Real Seed.

Remember the terrifying urban legend of your childhood about how swallowing a watermelon seed led to a giant melon growing in your belly?


Rest easy, kiddos. As it turns out, scientists have finally distinguished the notion between seeds. Watermelons and sperm are super different.

So if you think you might be sprouting a watermelon in your tummy, you’re probably just pregnant. And kinda slutty.


That Looks About Right.

It goes without saying that most people – mainly guys – would love this man’s job.

But let’s be real, he’s the only guy who LOOKS exactly like he would have this job.

It’s the ‘stache. And the Hawaiian shirt.

Hey Bill! How’s the wife? Oh…right.

Soooo, how are those child support payments going?

The More You Already Know.

Today’s lesson comes from Captain Obvious.

Hey Cap’n! Step on up here and introduce yourself.

Panel border??! SO TRUE. You are blowing my mind already. So what obvious common sense of the day are you bringing us this fine Monday?



And this concludes today’s segment of The More You Already Know by Captain Obvious.

The More You Know.

If you’ve ever wanted to know the most concise definition of the phrase “fo shizzle my nizzle,” then look no further.

This was written in 2002, so you know it’s legit.

First off, I’m still far more in favor of the original saying than this “fo shizzle” stuff. “Concur” is probably the most undervalued word in the English language, wouldn’t you agree? (insert your own “concur” here.) Not to mention the usage of “whole heartedly” and “brother” really deepens the meaning of the phrase. I’m sure you aren’t my actual sibling, but I’m touched that you would regard me in such a close and familial way, whole heartedly. HUGZ.

Secondly, the Vietnamese know wassup. Pho shizzle my vizzles.

The second lesson of the day is in marketing. Here’s how you grab the people’s attention to the point where they might feel offended, but then you turn shit around and give ’em an internet punch in the face for making such a rash assumption.

BAM. Hut Weber just schooled you on marketing print and now you want to know who they are because, let’s face it, that’s a fucking awesome print idea. Plus, top hats are the bees knees and inspire one to perform industrious dance moves. Clearly.


And that concludes this blog’s edition of: