There Should Be One Of These Next To All Fire Hydrants.

You know, in case of fabulosity.

What could be more amazing when walking down the street than someone smashing this box to pieces? It would even make Tommy Lee Jones crack a smile and give a snap.

Mind you, it could cause some confusion, too. I’m pretty sure if I saw glitter flying everywhere, I’d have three thoughts:

1. Someone slayed a unicorn.

2. A gay man sneezed.

3. Someone is feeling fucking fabulous.

I think I can say with 100% confidence that this sparkly box would help cure the world of narcissism, even though that glitter would still probably be stuck to your clothes and hair a month later. But wouldn’t that weeks later glittery find make you feel completely amazing?? YES. It would. Shut up, don’t deny the fabulous.

If the Irish can pass a motion to okay drink-driving, the rest of the world (and by that, I mean San Francisco) can put one of these babies on every street.

Wouldn’t you agree, He-Man?

Oh he’s already there.

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12 Ways To Take Advantage Of Today’s Numerical Power of 12.

It’s 12/12/12 so that means it’s more possible to do whatever you want in life today than any other day. It’s a very different day, today. Very, very different.

Things to try today because they require numerical magic:

1. Sneeze with your eyes open.

2. Lick your elbow.

3. Ride a unicorn.

4. Take a graduate class at Hogwarts.

5. Use above class skills to rid the world of Twilight.

6. Find Britney Spears, give her a hug, and train her to dance again.

7. Learn how to fly by flapping your arms.

8. Have sex with Ryan Gosling.

9. Merge into traffic like you’re in a bumper car.

10. Punch Christina Aguilera in her left boob.

11. Cancel all the Kardashian shows from E!

12. Win the lottery. TELL NO ONE.

Life is short, isn’t that what they say? I think it’s average height, nearing tall. I also believe in this.

Happy 32nd Birthday, Ryan Gosling – Human Unicorn.

It’s a very important day.

Today we celebrate the birth of Ryan Gosling – the human unicorn. The perfect specimen. A one-of-a-kind golden gift that God is so proud of He’s probably popped open a bottle of champagne and is on glass three by now. Well done, big guy. WELL. DONE.

That’s a stupid fucking question.

In honor of this great day, which I’m sure will end up becoming an international holiday at some point, let’s take a look at some of Ryan’s most recent best moments:

Ryan in a white shirt.

Ryan in a magazine.

Ryan at the airport.

Resort Ryan.

Ryan at the airport again.

Ryan playing an instrument.

Ryan in a doorway.

Ryan on a chair.

Ryan in black and white.

Ryan proving that he can make a pajama top work on the red carpet.

Ryan rubbing his eye.

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Ryan as a pancake.

Ryan breaking up a fight.

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Ryan with his dog.

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Ryan being good with kids.

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