If You Use “Chu” Instead Of “You” – I Will Cut Chu.

Unless you’re sneezing, because that’s all I hear when someone says “chu.”

But let me bring it back – bring it, bring it, bring it back.

As I’m driving toward public transit this morning, I start soulfully and accurately singing along to Rihanna’s “Stay.” It’s a beautiful song, if I do say so myself, and unfairly catchy. Then as the chorus comes around, I start really getting into it.

Not really sure how to feel about it, something in the way you move.

Makes me feel like I can’t live without chu –

And then I heard it. I heard myself say it. I said “chu.” WHAT THE FUCK IS CHU??? Urban Dictionary, if you please.

Screen shot 2013-04-23 at 10.41.40 AM

Look, Rudizzle said it, not me. Granted, it didn’t sound that weird coming from Rihanna, but that’s probably because I’m super Irish and, thus, super uber caucasian. I can’t do “chu,” you guys. It’s not in the cards for me.

It got me thinking why this┬ápronunciation of the good ‘ol, nothing wrong with it at all word “you” has shifted to “chu.” Imagine if Adele’s cry-tastic ballad “Someone Like You” was Rihannafied.

Never mind I’ll find someone like chuuuuuuu-ooooooo

Fuck that.

Would it be so bad if Rihanna said “you” instead? Why – why “chu”? IT’S NOT CORRECT.

Imagine Whitney Houston’s brilliant rendition of “I Will Always Love You”. I haven’t even typed it out and you know it’s going to be fucking awful as shit.

And IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Will always looooove CHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Nope.

So I wonder what all the infatuation is around this spin on “you.” Is it not good enough for chu anymore, Rihanna? Or is the guy you keep singing about named Chu? Because then I will take it all back. Just for chu.

Really, I blame Steven Tyler for all of this. He let one goddamn “chu” slip out in “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing” and I can’t. stop. hearing it. For years, in that bit just before the last chorus:

I just wanna be with you, right here with chu – just like this.

This is why Bruce Willis died, Steven. Bruce never dies in action films, he’s John fucking McClane. But Michael Bay blew him up because you fucked it up.

I’d really love for people to stop saying “chu.” It’s not real, and if Webster’s caves and puts this as a synonym for “you,” I’m going to kill Steven Tyler, Rihanna, shake Adele’s hand, and then off myself.

A world where people aren’t using pronouns properly is a world I don’t want to live in.

The More You Know.

If you’ve ever wanted to know the most concise definition of the phrase “fo shizzle my nizzle,” then look no further.

This was written in 2002, so you know it’s legit.

First off, I’m still far more in favor of the original saying than this “fo shizzle” stuff. “Concur” is probably the most undervalued word in the English language, wouldn’t you agree? (insert your own “concur” here.) Not to mention the usage of “whole heartedly” and “brother” really deepens the meaning of the phrase. I’m sure you aren’t my actual sibling, but I’m touched that you would regard me in such a close and familial way, whole heartedly. HUGZ.

Secondly, the Vietnamese know wassup. Pho shizzle my vizzles.

The second lesson of the day is in marketing. Here’s how you grab the people’s attention to the point where they might feel offended, but then you turn shit around and give ’em an internet punch in the face for making such a rash assumption.

BAM. Hut Weber just schooled you on marketing print and now you want to know who they are because, let’s face it, that’s a fucking awesome print idea. Plus, top hats are the bees knees and inspire one to perform industrious dance moves. Clearly.

 

And that concludes this blog’s edition of: